The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret

Okay, so I was listening to Queens Of The Stone Age(one of my favorite bands) and I happened to stumble upon this song- The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret and realized that the song actually makes sense. And please do check the band out, it's pretty awesome! Anyway, I shall now unfold the mystery of circulating juicy gossip.
 We all have that one best friend or best friends with whom we share our deepest and darkest secrets. We tend to forget the fact that they also have that one best friend with whom they share their deepest and darkest secrets which indirectly permits them to reveal your secrets to that one friend.
That's how the cycle goes on.
This one time, i told my friend something and she solemnly swore to keep her mouth shut. After a couple of days another friend of mine came up to me and told me my own secret. I felt embarrassed, annoyed, betrayed,amused all at the same time. I laughed it off so my friends life wasn't in jeopardy.
We all gossip. I would be a liar if I said I didn't.I try not to,but sometimes if I'm really really bored I do ask people to update me with the "current affairs".
Gossiping is an art. There is a way to do it. So here are a few tips to keep the gossip harmless and saving your friend from having a psychotic impulse to hunt you down and kill you or cut your tongue off.
RULE NO.1: If you have to gossip and you cannot think of anything better to do, try to keep the victim of the gossip as anonymous as possible. That way their identity will be concealed and the news will be considered a buffoonery and forgotten.
RULE NO.2: Try to keep the gossip limited to the victims embarrassing encounters and avoid personal issues,details. That is completely against the code of a true gossiper, because exposing personal details just makes you a cow.
RULE NO.3:Choose your words wisely. Say precisely what is meant to be said and nothing more. Don't exaggerate the details. If the identity of the victim is inferred, you will be killed.
RULE NO.4:If you can't follow the above mentioned rules and need to violate them, maintain a diary and keep it in hiding. Spill your brains out in it if you please. You have the freedom to think whatever you like,but freedom of speech-sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut.
Okay! So, I hope this was helpful. I refuse to be a hypocrite and say don't gossip but please don't harm your friendship just for a few minutes of fun. And understand the difference between gossiping and dishing. I know it's hard to conceal news but if you find the need to gossip,keep one thing in mind: you are putting your friendship on the line. So if you think it's worth the risk, you have nothing to worry about. I know gossiping is like smoking. the resemblance being:they are both hard to quit. But where there is a will,there is a way. I've cut down. It wasn't a piece of cake,but every time I thought of gossiping I commemorated the fact that I expect my friend to keep my secrets so it's only fair if I do the same. And if I need to gossip,I follow the code of conduct(came up with them myself.Copyrights).
So here's the song that inspired me.Check it out. Check the band out. No fun rhyme this time! Bye Bye!