"Smoke!" "Smoke!"
Okay. I guess you're wondering what the screaming is about. I'll get to it in just a minute.
"Richard! You burned my famous ginger ale, slow cooked, perfectly marinated for exactly forty four minutes, and as soft as cotton but not lumpy and an expected family recipe to carry on for generations CHICKEN!"
Emma is Richard's beloved wife. They have been married for exactly thirty three years, two months, eleven days, four hours, forty seven minutes in counting still going strong. About the exact count: well, they like keeping exact track of time. It's crazy I know, but they find it fascinating.
Emma was teaching Richard how to cook, She was a chef at 'The Ritz'. Actually, that's how and where she met Richard. She had served him the best ginger chicken she had ever made and he had ever tasted. It was love at first bite.
After their first date, they decided to get married, for they thought that they were soul mates and life is too short to experiment on delicate aspects like love.
"For God sakes Richard! Get the fire extinguisher! Don't just stand there! At this rate you could've gotten five oil paintings of yourself made!"
They didn't know each other very well, but they just had a strong intuition that they were meant to be ... in a looney bin somehow. So they decided to shift to 'Lady Grace's Mental Asylum' to contribute to society by cooking lunch. Of course, Emma did all the cooking and Richard took out the trash which consisted of his failed attempts at cooking the chicken.
"Oh my God! Someone get the extinguisher and call Dr. Stanton immediately! Emma! Step away from the fire!"
"Richard! Tell this woman to leave our room! It's very impolite of you,young lady, to barge into our room like that!"
"Emma! You need to calm down! Sit down on this chair will you? And drink this water. Here."
"It tastes funny".
"Well, its vitamin water. Oh thank God! Here you are! She is having one of her episodes today".
"Who are you, young man? And where is Richard? He was right here a minute ago! Look at the mess he has made! I refuse to clean it up! He'll have to do it himself!"
"Hello Emma! Richard has gone to get the cleaning cart. He'll be back in a few minutes. I'm sure you're exhausted by all this cooking. Why don't you take a nap?".
"I don't like this place anymore! I cook lunch for everyone everyday. And what do I get in return? People barging into my room and not caring for my privacy. I refuse to stay here any longer. I am leaving. Call Richard. Tell him I want to leave right now!"
"It's Sunday, isn't it? All cab drivers are on holiday. There won't be any transportation. How about you check out tomorrow morning? Sound fair to you?"
"Very well. I'm feeling sleepy all of a sudden. Do you mind drawing the curtains? Tell Richard to..."
"I want to know how she got that fridge magnet and that lighter! I've changed her course for now. Her hallucinations are getting much worse. We need to start electroconvulsive therapy within the next four hours."
"And Dr. Stanton, who is Richard?"
"Her husband. He died in a gas explosion at their house during the initial stages of her disorder. It's his birthday today. Okay. Get two O.R nurses and anesthesiologists to set up for procedure in O.R 3 by 1 p.m. and contact her daughter Rosemary and tell her to get her as quickly as she can. "
............................
Haha! Spooky huh? Listen to this while reading it :P
Okay. I guess you're wondering what the screaming is about. I'll get to it in just a minute.
"Richard! You burned my famous ginger ale, slow cooked, perfectly marinated for exactly forty four minutes, and as soft as cotton but not lumpy and an expected family recipe to carry on for generations CHICKEN!"
Emma is Richard's beloved wife. They have been married for exactly thirty three years, two months, eleven days, four hours, forty seven minutes in counting still going strong. About the exact count: well, they like keeping exact track of time. It's crazy I know, but they find it fascinating.
Emma was teaching Richard how to cook, She was a chef at 'The Ritz'. Actually, that's how and where she met Richard. She had served him the best ginger chicken she had ever made and he had ever tasted. It was love at first bite.
After their first date, they decided to get married, for they thought that they were soul mates and life is too short to experiment on delicate aspects like love.
"For God sakes Richard! Get the fire extinguisher! Don't just stand there! At this rate you could've gotten five oil paintings of yourself made!"
They didn't know each other very well, but they just had a strong intuition that they were meant to be ... in a looney bin somehow. So they decided to shift to 'Lady Grace's Mental Asylum' to contribute to society by cooking lunch. Of course, Emma did all the cooking and Richard took out the trash which consisted of his failed attempts at cooking the chicken.
"Oh my God! Someone get the extinguisher and call Dr. Stanton immediately! Emma! Step away from the fire!"
"Richard! Tell this woman to leave our room! It's very impolite of you,young lady, to barge into our room like that!"
"Emma! You need to calm down! Sit down on this chair will you? And drink this water. Here."
"It tastes funny".
"Well, its vitamin water. Oh thank God! Here you are! She is having one of her episodes today".
"Who are you, young man? And where is Richard? He was right here a minute ago! Look at the mess he has made! I refuse to clean it up! He'll have to do it himself!"
"Hello Emma! Richard has gone to get the cleaning cart. He'll be back in a few minutes. I'm sure you're exhausted by all this cooking. Why don't you take a nap?".
"I don't like this place anymore! I cook lunch for everyone everyday. And what do I get in return? People barging into my room and not caring for my privacy. I refuse to stay here any longer. I am leaving. Call Richard. Tell him I want to leave right now!"
"It's Sunday, isn't it? All cab drivers are on holiday. There won't be any transportation. How about you check out tomorrow morning? Sound fair to you?"
"Very well. I'm feeling sleepy all of a sudden. Do you mind drawing the curtains? Tell Richard to..."
"I want to know how she got that fridge magnet and that lighter! I've changed her course for now. Her hallucinations are getting much worse. We need to start electroconvulsive therapy within the next four hours."
"And Dr. Stanton, who is Richard?"
"Her husband. He died in a gas explosion at their house during the initial stages of her disorder. It's his birthday today. Okay. Get two O.R nurses and anesthesiologists to set up for procedure in O.R 3 by 1 p.m. and contact her daughter Rosemary and tell her to get her as quickly as she can. "
............................
Haha! Spooky huh? Listen to this while reading it :P
Good attempt Ananya. However, the reader becomes aware of of the wife's condition before you reveal it. I believe you wanted it to come as a shock to the readers and it has the makings of a good horror. However, the rapid acceleration of her hallucinations blew your plot open. I think that if you had kept up the slow pace and calm demeanour, you would have achieved your objective of startling your readers. However, there is always a next time.
ReplyDeleteP.S. - You should have put the music at the beginning.
Hmm. Loads to think about. Makes perfect sense. Thank you so much :D hope the next attempt will be better :)
ReplyDeleteI'm no expert in story-writing but I do believe you'll do better.
DeleteBest of luck. :)